Out of the Darkness

Last September, my 16-year-old brother, Alik, took his own life. When I learned that he was gone, I was overwhelmed by a strange feeling- I actually felt peace and calm. It lasted for about 2 and half seconds, after which the shock, hysterics, and pain set in. I can't even begin to explain the journey that my family has had to take since that night, but it's one that will never end.
In the aftermath of a tragedy like this, everyone wants to know "why?" Why would a seemingly happy, healthy, active young man end his life that had held so much promise for the future? What happened to make him feel like this was the only option? How could we have changed his course? I don't think anyone will ever know the answers.
The biggest question for me is, why did he feel like he couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on? And even if he had, would we have known what to do? Would we have just chalked it up to mere teenage drama and  told him that he should enjoy his years of not having "real problems" before adulthood, or would we have actually listened and taken action?
In the year 2013, even at only 16-years-old, he should have known that what he was feeling was something that millions of people suffer from, something that he could have gotten help for. Messages like "drinking-and-driving kills people", and "tell someone if you're being bullied", and "drugs ruin lives" are pushed into the faces of teens and young adults, but why is mental illness not part of the picture? Suicide is currently the 10th leading cause of death in the US (fourth for adults between the ages of 18 and 65) and 90% of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death. 24 million Americans suffer from depression, more than from coronary heart disease (17 million), cancer (12 million), and HIV/AIDS (1 million). Such a huge social issue should not continue to be so stigmatized.
This is part of what the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) is dedicated to addressing. On June 1st, they are holding a 16-18 mile Out of the Darkness overnight walk in Washington D.C. to raise funds to aide their goal of understanding and preventing suicide. Here is some info about their mission:

AFSP is the leading national not-for-profit organisation exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and to reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide.
To fully achieve its mission, AFSP engages in the following Five Core Strategies:

• Fund scientific research
• Offer educational programs for professionals
• Educate the public about mood disorders and suicide prevention
• Promote policies and legislation that impact suicide and prevention
• Provide programs and resources for survivors of suicide loss and people at risk, and involve them in the work of the Foundation

Recently, I've been reflecting on why in the world I would have felt peace when learning that my little brother was gone. Was it heavenly father preparing me for the coming madness? Was it something telling me that whatever struggles Alik went through, they were over and now he felt peace, too? Was it a small taste of what I will hopefully one day be able to feel? Who knows, but his choice has completely changed some of my perspectives on life, death, and what happens in between. I'm not a crusader who can storm the television screens of America and force them to pay attention to issues that numerous people still choose to ignore or not "believe" in, but for now this walk is me doing my part. Click here to go to my donation page, my goal is $700 and I appreciate any donation that anyone can make.

Help keep siblings together

My amazing sister Angela is trying to win a $50,000 grant from the Pepsi Refresh Everything project to open up a group home for sibling groups in the foster system. Most foster homes don't have the accomodations to house more then one or two children from the same family, so those children are most often split up and placed in seperate homes. The group home Angela is trying to open up would be able to accomodate up to 10 siblings.
Angela needs this money to show proof that she has the funds to run the group home for the first year. Watch this video to learn more about sibling groups in the foster system
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-oq1LUNIBo

Imagine being a child and being placed in a foster home without your siblings. Imagine how alone you would feel. Angela already has a sibling group in mind for the home that she wants to open up. They are ages 6, 11, 13, and 15 and are living in seperate homes.

Please go and vote everyday until May 31st for Alegnas Homes at www.refresheverything.com/alegnashomes

R & R

So, for the first half of Gregg's deployment while he was defending our country and fighting the Taliban and doing all this really important stuff, I was sitting in good ol Mesa, Arizona making people beautiful (I used to think my job was essential to man kinds well-being, now I realize its insignificance in the grand scheme of things.. oh well, I still love it). Ha, but I did keep myself busy busy busy (hence the lack of posts) with work and school and spending time with my awesome family and friends.

Anyway, six months and one traumatic brain injury later, Gregg got to come home for mid-tour leave, for a whole month! Of course, that month went by so much faster then the first six did. He left a few weeks ago, so we're back to the countdown.

We really didn't do much of anything while he was here, just spent a lot of time together and with our family

The "I Do's"

When we were planning the wedding, Gregg told me to do everything just exactly how I wanted it and that he wanted everything to be perfect for me.. well, we had some crazy mis-haps and last-minute racing, but everything was perfect, because all I wanted was for him to be waiting for me at the end of the aisle..

Thought I would share some of the wedding pics..



My sister Amber did the cake, it turned out AMAZING!

One of my favs :) I sure hope our kids get those dimples..

Wedding party..

The familia

First comes marriage...

Then comes blog! :)

Me and Gregg were married on June 27th in our beautiful hometown of Snowflake and could not be happier! Our long friendship grew into such a strong love and continues growing every day. We spent the first two months of our marriage in North Carolina, where Gregg was stationed in the Army, until he left for his deployment earlier this month. Besides the seperation, I really like the army life and I know Gregg loves what he does.

I've moved back to Arizona and am very happy to be back with my family and friends, but in the two short months I was there, I learned to love NC and being on post. I could do without the HUGE bugs and streets that were impossible for me to navigate, but I miss the greenery, the bbq, the military discounts, the sweet tea, hearing the distant sound of artilary rounds and canons at all hours of the day and night, and even the humidity. But most of all, I miss my best friend, my husband.

For now, I'm back working at Got Roots? Salon, where I've been a stylist for about a year and a half, until Gregg gets back in August of 2010. I'm also going to continue working towards my degree in psychology and I can't wait to jump back into the busy schedule that I'm used to.

We are so grateful that we found each other and I feel so lucky that we have such wonderful, loving family and friends who help and support us in so many ways.